Addicted to failure

For the third time in a row, and third time in the last 2 weeks, I spent my entire day off doing nothing…absolutely nothing. It wouldn’t be so bad if it weren’t for the fact that…

  • I’ve got a mountain of overdue to-do’s, ranging from filing overdue tax returns to finishing an Ikea desk that’s been 75% done for a month now;
  • I’m waaay behind on the volunteer work I do with the PTA at my kids’ school, not having done even the ‘welcome back’ email that was supposed to go out to all new and returning parents…when school started a month ago;
  • This is only the latest in a string of predictable, preventable wasted days that have left me exhausted, ashamed and angry at myself.

It’s this last point that really has me bothered. Every time I have a day off – lately anyway – I get sucked into the same, self-destructive, self-loathing routine. And after 8 hours of ‘just resting for another hour” I don’t feel the least bit relaxed, rested or rewarded. I spend literally the entire day lying on the couch only to feel utterly hopeless.

I know what you’re thinking…I’m being lazy, I should stop feeling sorry for myself, I should just snap out of it and get to work.

Believe me, I agree. Maybe next time will be different…HA!

Author: wtfranklin

I'm a forty-something loving husband and father. Every day I think about how I can be the partner my wife deserves, and the dad I always wanted to be. I made some serious mistakes when I was younger, their consequences still a part of my family's life, and making up for them remains a daily goal. Reading, and even more so writing, are also important to me. Both skills were central to my old career - before my mistakes cost me my old life - and invaluable now in the ongoing process of putting my new life together. Reading helps me understand my inner demons and mental health issues; writing helps me overcome them.

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