Tag Archives: small victories

Celebrating small victories three weeks later

27 Oct

This dispatch from the Better Late Than Never Department. It’s been 3 weeks since I started my medical leave from work, and predictably, there’s good news and bad. 

The good news (aka celebrating small victories) is that I’ve gone:

  • 3 separate days without drinking, spread out over 3 weeks but still more than I’ve racked up in the past 3 months (maybe years?)
  • 2 weeks without any hard drugs – not my main concern but it was a decade ago so, yeah…small victories
  • to 2 AA meetings so far, and actually looking forward to two coming up this week
  • written – handwritten, not posted here – 3 more journal entries than what I’ve posted here
  • Made dinner for the family 4 times this week – yes one was delivery, one leftovers, but hey…small victories 

I was going to get into all my mistakes since my last post but I’m already too good at that. I’m ending this dispatch on another celebration…of those beautiful small victories. 

Still time to salvage the week?

6 Feb

I can’t say much now; I’m running late to pick up the boy but I wanted to check in quickly, if only so I can fill in one more check box on my to-do list for today. So far the fate of the day is still up in the air as, is my habit in recent weeks, I kept myself busy with minor housekeeping and chores…at the expense of the single job application I’ve been kicking down the road for two weeks now. In the small victories department:

  • Today I actually opened the laptop and Word AND my cover letter for the job.  I got to the application, just too late in the day.
  • Compared to where I was in December, I’m miles ahead in the amount of daily time I spend being productive, and not in the viscous cycle of beating myself up to the point of all-day inaction.

Still, the smallness of these victories screams loudly to me.  How much longer am I going to keep putting this thing off? Am in in denial about my true capabilities? Am I really ready for full time work, or even the task of finding it?  I’m terrified of the alternative.

You’ll know I salvaged the week if:

  • I finish this post in under the 5 minutes I set aside for it.
  • I start my next one by reporting the job application submitted.

The satisfaction of hot chocolate

3 Feb

Tonight I’m not stewing as I recount of the day’s failures. In fact I feel quite satisfied…and pleased with myself.

After a mad rush to get the boy fed and out the door in time, we arrived at his indoor soccer game only to find it was cancelled. Snowed in too I suppose.

I sighed as I read the sign and groaned as we piled back into the car. Then, drawing on my mad parenting skills, I made a detour on the way home, stopping for a surprise hot chocolate with the boy. We talked about the day, traded funny YouTube videos, and now he’s catching up on the day’s Minecraft news while I brag about it.

I’m cherishing this moment. It’s almost…normal.

Morning not totally fruitless

2 Feb

In my last post I talked of how witching hour had come with little to show for it. In the spirit of celebrating small victories, I’m happy to report my morning has not been completely unproductive.

I did spend half an hour updating my reading list on Goodreads. Check out the widget on this page for more, with recent additions including:

Mount Pleasant, Don Gillmor
Diary, Chuck Palahniuk
Drunk Mom, Jowita Bydlowska
Foucault’s Pendulum, Umberto Eco
All My Puny Sorrows – Miriam Toews

These and more are chock full of mindful insights, pearls of wisdom and tales of relatable woes. I may still be crazy, but I’m a better crazy for my reading.

Now, for the rest of the day. The laptop is sitting on the dining room table still, almost taunting me to open it. Why am I so afraid to do even that? The answer to that question is for another day.

Day 4: Back in the saddle again? Ha!

13 Jan

As I’ve said recently, beware the mad rantings of a man [only] days into a lifetime journey. A case in point, I started this post yesterday, musing about whether or not I was (albeit slowly, finally and only in the earliest of days) getting back into the saddle of life again.

Suffice to say that I didn’t finish it, and today is a different story.  Today it’s taken me the effort of ten men to come back and finish what I started, itself a post I wanted to publish yesterday to stay on my regimen of daily writing. And this isn’t even the first time today; late this morning I think I almost consciously induced a panic attack when I first picked up my laptop. Heart racing, my inner critic getting louder by the minute, my inability to write a simple blog entry just the latest in a string of failures that too often define my life in my eyes.

What I need to remember is another pillar of my new approach to 2015, setting manageable expectations and celebrating small victories.  I did come back and finish this post (without a point it may be). I went on a long walk and read the newspaper over coffee at my old watering whole. I looked up job postings at the companies I want to approach and found at least one that’s a great fit with what I think/believe/hope are my strengths and skills.  And after fearfully (of what?!) putting it off for almost a month, I finally made a phone call to book a doctor’s appointment for my son.

Small victories. Celebration. At least I have therapy tonight.

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