Tag Archives: Albert Einstein

Fuck Albert Einstein…Tomorrow Will Be Different

9 Sep

Say what you will about his brilliance and changes to the way we understand the universe, but I have two little words for Albert Einstein: Fuck You.

Why? Because of his (or Ben Franklin’s, or author Rita Mae Brown’s, depending on whom you ask) simple definition of insanity:

“Doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.”

By this definition, I crossed the certifiably insane line long ago.  And there isn’t a day that goes by that I’m not reminded of it.

In recent weeks, I have awoken every day to face myself in the mirror and pledge, “Today I will not drink.  Today I will make music.”

What I mean music is some form of art or accomplishment; learning new chords on the guitar, writing a paragraph or page for the book I’ve been thinking about for 3 years, fine tuning my resume to apply to a job posting, and more.

What I mean by drinking is…drinking.  I’ve beaten several addictions, ones I think are much worse and certainly more costly, but I still struggle with the obvious need to part with a substance that has taken so much from my passion, ambition, family and pocketbook. I know how alcohol is a silent killer of a substance, one made easy to abuse by its wide availability and societal acceptance.  I know when I was abstinent or only an occasional drinker, I was a better person; a better father and husband; a productive and proud provider.  I know that while posing as a useful resource or even a “friend” alcohol has robbed me of all these things.

And yet…even as I make my daily pledge, there is a point in each day – usually just after noon – when I find a way to convince myself that, just this last time, alcohol will be my friend again; that just 1-2 drinks will give me the one-time boost I need to rise to the mounting tasks in front of me.  Just one drink inevitably turns into 3-4, cutting deeper into my growing debts and draining me of what little motivation I had before first putting a glass to my mouth.  I end the day with a further motivation-draining joint, fading into sleep with the voice of an alcohol-fueled rage ringing in my head for letting such a familiar pattern repeat itself.

Tomorrow will be different.

Today is no exception.

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