Tag Archives: agoraphobia

Another kick in the balls, Part X

10 Jan

Here I go again, less than 10 days into the new year and I’ve found myself in all too familiar waters.

No longer content just to procrastinate on the job hunt and ever growing list of household jobs sitting at 75% complete, I’m now in full on avoidance and fear mode; afraid to check my (empty anyway) email, increasingly weary of leaving my house or answering the phone, some days bordering on the agoraphobic.

I’m writing like mad right now, desperately trying to get thoughts down on paper and posted before I relegate another 3/4 of an article to the purgatory of the drafts folder.

Why? And how is this time going to be different? Because I need to write. Now I see regular, daily writing as an important, therapeutic part of my return to normal adulthood. And this time I’m doing it differently:

1) Taking a page from Einstein (or your source of choice) I’m trying to change my daily routine so I can rationally expect a different daily outcome, thus avoiding some degree of insanity.

2) So that this kick at the can has a moderate chance of success, I’m only making changes in small, manageable chunks – 5-minutes to be accurate. My #just5 approach to goals and change is based on a simple assumption; that in any given day, I know I can spend #just5 minutes on, well…anything.

3) With an idle mind left too long to stew over my shames and fears, I need to get my critical voice and its worst case scenarios out of my head so I don’t become a self fulfilling prophecy. I need to get my fears out so they don’t haunt me. I need to get the bad version of me out so I don’t become him.

Tomorrow’s goal remains, to make music, to make my anonymous confession, to change my routine…if only for #just5 minutes. Even a brief amount of time will tell.

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